1. Encourage the survivor to talk to you about how he or she is feeling.
2. Don’t assume that men handle this kind of trauma better than women.
3. Tell the survivor how you feel—that you are sorry that they have been hurt.
4. Remind the survivor that their confusing emotions are normal.
5. Do not attempt to impose your explanation on why this has happened to the survivor.
6. Do not tell the survivor that you know how she or he feels. You don’t. Often such attempts are really aimed at relieving your own anxiety about how you feel about what has happened to the survivor.
7. Be willing to say nothing. Just being there is often all that can help.
8. Tell your friends and family how you are feeling. Even if you are not a direct victim of the trauma, remember that people who care about survivors often become co-survivors emotionally.
9. Report to friends or family any unusual physical symptoms that might be interfering with your daily routine.
10. Don’t be afraid to encourage a survivor to ask for help, including counseling, if necessary. And don’t be afraid to ask for help yourself even if you are not directly involved.
11. Go to any court hearings, community hearings, meetings with insurance companies—any events which directly relate to the trauma. Offer to go for support.
12. Try not to project your own feelings on those around you. Each survivor and co-survivor experiences trauma and its consequences differently. Be understanding to the pace at which each person copes and heals.

Don’t be afraid to ask how someone is doing. Do not ask for details of the trauma. If the survivor wants to talk, listen. The best thing to do is to let the survivor know that you are there and that you care. It is not necessary to try to make things better.